A Step Forward Calls for Something New

July 28th, 2008 - Aug 12th, 2011
Three years of blogging.
Three years of venting.
Three years of struggling life.
Three years of remembering.
Three years of fun.
Three years of laughing.
Three years of crying.
Three years of running.
Three years of fan girlness.
Three years of sitting.
Three years of typing.

Here's to Three years well spent.

Moving to a new phase.
Moving to a new place.
Moving away.
Moving forward.
Moving.
Moving.
Moving.
Moving.
Moving on.

Continue to follow my life on my new blog.
A Step Forward Calls for Something New.

Found.

Finding a patter in life can be difficult when everything around does not fit together.
but according to the System's theory, Humans need patterns to function properly.
How can I bring a pattern into my life now, with everything changing every week?

I don't know where my boots are
and that makes me really sad.


I want to cry my eyes out
But that would make me feel bad.


I found my boots in my chair
resting for a while


And now I wear my boots all day
no longer feeling vile!


Aliana was walking around the feilds by her home when she heard a terrible screaming roar. She dropped to the ground, afraid the dragons were attacking. But when nothing happened for several minutes She brought her head up, looking around.
She heard the noise again and picked herself up. Crouching to avoid detection, she scurried through the forest.
Once again the noise sounded, though it was weaker. She was sure she was close.
She ran out from behind a tree, but quickly a towering red dragon glowering over a smaller violet dragon who was laying on her side, feebly trying to fend off the red dragon.
Aliana reached for her arrow, stringing her bow, then took aim.
She was ready to kill this red dragon, though she knew it would be difficult. Then the wind changed and the red dragon's head jerked in her direction.
That was all the violet dragon needed. She stroke, her jaws wrapped around the oppressing dragon's neck.
Aliana watched and the red dragon fought the violet one, then slowly grew weaker, and finally stopped all together.
The violet dragon unclenched her jaws and the red dragon fell to the ground, dead.
She shuddered to the ground, her tail flopping uselessly.
Aliana bit her lip, her conscience told her to flee, but her curiosity chided her.
You will never get another chance to see a dragon up close like this!
Aliana took a deep breath and moved out of the thicket toward the dragon.
The dragon's breath was heavy and labored. She touched it and jerked her hand back. The scales felt as if they were on fire!
The violet dragon lifted it's lip in a silent snarl.
Aliana moved away, then cautiously moved toward the dragon's head.
She knelt before the dragon and cast her eyes at the ground, extending her hand, palm facing the sky.
The dragon made a noise in it's throat then snaked it's head forward.
Aliana trembled as its nostrils flared right by her hand, exhaling a snort of warm breath.
She closed her eyes and put her hand on the dragon's snout.
It let her hand rest there, then pulled away, laying it's head down on the ground.
The dragon had it's eyes fixed on Aliana.
When she looked up the dragon glanced at her closed claws then at Aliana, then back at her claw again.
The dragon's eyes fluttered briefly.
Aliana looked around. She couldn't leave it here, especially if there was another dragon around like that dead red one.
She took her bow and shot two arrows up into the sky, one after another, a signal she and her mother had developed to tell her mother that she needed her.
She sat for a half hour, soothing the dying dragon. she shot three more signals before her mother came.
Her mother was running up the hill, "Daughter! Are you hurt?" she called breathlessly.
Ariana shook her head. "No I am fine, but... the dragon." she guestured to the violet dragon.
Her mother hesitated. " You remembered it is a wild animal?"
"Yes."
"and you treated the wild animal as I taught you?"
"With the respect of submitting to a master."
Her mother nodded. "Good, lets see what we can do to help this beast."
Aliana moved toward the dragon. Her mother balked as she was the red dragon. But as Aliana moved toward the violet dragon, her mother relaxed.
Aliana noticed but didn't say anything.
"What can we do?" She asked her mother.
Her mother sighed after she inspected the dragon.
"I am afraid there is nothing we can do."
"What do you mean?" Aliana said, worried.
"She is dying. She can't make it much longer." her mother shook her head.
aliana rocked back on her heels, her face falling. "Are you certain?"
"I am sorry m y dear. but she has only moments left."
"Is there any comfort we can give her?"
"I am not certain." her mother sighed again and put a hand on Aliana's shoulder.
The dragon's eyes fought for Aliana's attention.
Aliana sadly looked at the dragon. "I'm sorry I can't do more to help you." she whispered.
The dragon blinked once then looked at it's claw again.
Aliana noticed a glint from inside the claw.
There was something cradled under there!
Aliana crawled forward and moved the claws away. The dragon snarled weakly.
She jerked back her hand, making soothing clicking noises with her tongue. She reached forward and stroked the dragon's claw.
The dragon sighed sadly and relinquished it's grip as life faded from it's eyes.
Aliana moved the paw away and gasped, picking up the treasure.
She tenderely held an egg in her arms.
"Mother, look." she said quietly.
Her mnother reached forward and stroked the egg, her eyes soft in wonder.
"Aliana, you've found a precious treasure."

Question Authority

I got a letter from one of my best friends yesterday. :) I thought she had just forgotten to write to me!
Being organized... really makes me feel good.
Having a schedule is a powerful thing, now sticking to that schedule is even more powerful.
Sometimes I wonder about my life and what  I can do differently, then just toss it out the window.
But there is a quote I found one day...
"He who tries will never know the sorrow of one who never triumphed or failed."
I don't know how well I can do in school because I have never tried my hardest.
I don't know how great my piano can be because I have never practiced my hardest.
How many other people are like me?
Knowing they can be better but never trying because they are afraid they will fail?
I wonder why I try to sabotage myself...
Maybe I am so confused because I have never tried to fight for what I want. or for what I think I want. I would rather just sit back and let life go it's course.
But I can't do that.
Nope. If I want to be happy, I will do what I know I need to do no matter what the cost.

Revelation

well, I've started.
I am going to get into math 1050 next semester even if I have to work everyday over winter break to get there!
And I know that I can do this, even if I really don't want to.
And I know something else now.
Being a well rounded person is not a bad thing.
It is ok if I need to learn math. It can't take anything away from me. It can only help me.
I am so thankful for inspiration and discernment, they are such blessings in my life.
There are so many things I would be lost of if I did not have those two things.
I am also thankful for my mother. :) on Fruits Basket Toru is talking to her mother and says "But mommy, I was born to be with you."
And I was, I was born to be with my mom until that time that I am ready to be with someone else.
Well, time to get organized.

Wonderful Time of the Year

Blessings come in different shapes and sizes. Sometimes is so blatantly obvious that there is no possible way to miss it, but I still do. Other times, it is so small that it is passed off as nothing.
Like the other day at work. I was running a check through the machine and I felt like I should check the date, I did and it was wrong. Thanks Heavenly Father.
Then there are the big ones. Like having amazing friends. Sometimes I take them for granted. Especially the ones I have had for such a long time it is just natural for them to be a part of my life. It is hard to recognize them as blessings. But then I read something they write, talk to them, or just look at old pictures or letters and I remember. You are a blessing in my life.
Some are small and tiny
Some are larger than my life
But all are my gifts.
Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for staying by my side for so long, even if from a distance. Thank you for confiding in me and trusting me. Thank you for supporting me

YAY for Friends!

How is it that one day you can be so unhappy then the next day you speak to one person and everything is better?

I made two new friends this week.

and last week...

Cherstan and Seiaeo ( the eo is silent)

I am so happy!

Seia and I had breakfast the other day, she made bacon, eggs, bagles and orange juice. It was so yummy. I felt so happy that I could just eat as much bacon as I wanted. very satisfying.

Cherstan is in two of my classes and I get to see her at institute on tuesdays. She also has a very cute brother....

I love making new friends!

When in Doubt eat the phonebook.

Who would have thought one person could make such a difference.

One person who I thought I would never speak to again.

but she has.

She does not know it. I don't think she ever will.

Just one day. One day of staring off into space and Castle.

It is amazing what one day can do.

Maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up. Maybe I should just stay in my protective little bubble and try not to stick a toe out. try to stay safe.

But I don't want to.

I Want to Get Out Of My Bubble!

Even If I do end up getting hurt. I think it will be worth it.

I hope it will be worth it.

I pray that it will be worth it.