Nightmare

She stood in the doorway, her eyes wide in horror.

her mother's head hung from her father's hand, dripping with blood.

She shook her head her hand coming to her mouth.

A soft cackle came from her father's throat.

"Finally, it is mine!"

He held his hand up, a golden scyth gleaming with blood raised into the air.

Kerr couldn't hold it in anymore, she screamed.

He turned around suddenly, a soft smile spread across his evil blood spattered face.

"Come here my child." his long finger beckoned her near.

She shook her head taking a step back.

He lunged for her, but she found the strength to turn and run.

she scrambled down the hall, knocking things down behind her so he couldn't follow.

she reached the door, the guards leaping out of her way.

She ran past the gate, shutting it behind her and pulling the lock through to the outside and locked it.

Her father was chasing her, the scyth still in his hand, dripping with her mother's blood, thirsting for hers.

She ran away from the gate, falling down and scuttling back as her father hit the gate.

"Come back, Child!" he screamed.

she brought her legs under her and forced herself to keep running.

"I will get you! One day! I will get you!"

Kerr bolted up, nearly tumbling out of the tree she was in. Ilan was resting next to her, he lifted his muzzel to look at her. She rubbed between his ears.
"It was just a dream.. he is not here."

Ilan woofed quietly and settled his head in her lap.

Read and Think

what are you scared of?

I am scared of snakes

nightmares about snakes

pictures of snakes

and making decisions.

Why?

Why would making decisions make me scared?

Because then I am accountable?

Yeah probably.

I don't like opening important e-mails

I don't like to do homework

I don't like to do anything productive

I just feel like when I make an important decision, even just the decision to clean my room or do my homework is scary to me.

how weird.

another thing that is weird... putting my fears on the internet...

now everyone can read this.

anyone could read this and know what I am doing.

if they were talented they could see where I was when I wrote it. Maybe even what I was listening to.

But it seems as if I don't care at the moment.

Here you go world. Here is what I am scared of.

Please do with it what you will.

I give it to you to read, to get frustrated over, to cry over, to pity, to laugh, to yell, to relay any emotion you choose.

Think about what I have written.

It may not be eloquent or beautiful. It may be simple and quiet. But it is here. Read and think.

Calm? Not.

How am I supposed to be able to know what people want if they don't tell me?
I can't read minds.
I don't get those notes you send me from inside your head.
I don't have a mental e-mail address or zip code.
I don't KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING!
We don't have good communication skills, but that does not mean we have to get mad at each other every time the other person does not remeber to read your mind before they make every single decision!
I am really upset right now. I need to have my mom read a paper, but I don't want to go home right now. I want my classes to be over with! I want to not have to worry about them for a minute. just one minute.

When Things Don't Turn Out How You Expected

Wow.

I feel like I have changed so much but at the same time not at all.

I feel the same as I always have. There is nothing different about me

at least... that is what I think when I am alone.

Then I spend time with someone I have not seen in a while and I realize how much I have changed, and them also.

I have a friend whom I love dearly, but we have grown apart and she has changed, so much. And in more ways than one.

I feel like we have taken opposite paths and somehow, I have taken the "better" one.

for some reason, when I look at my tree of friends, I am always at the bottom looking up, never at the top, never in the middle. Always at the bottom, but content to see my friends rise.

but recently, I have realized I am progressing also. I have things I want. I have things I can do to make myself become a better person.

And so I have. I have slowly worked my way to a place that I feel comfortable and proud of myself.

for the first time in a while... I love my life. :D

What happened? I used to love school!

"But after years of rote memorization and drills, what were once intellectually excited and motivated five-year-olds have become bored or grade-obsessed teenagers. Their thrill over accomplishing real tasks and exhibiting real skills is replaced with anxiety over upcoming tests and a concern for high grades." - http://www.engines4ed.org/hyperbook/nodes/NODE-69-pg.html

My brother is so excited to be in school. He is in first grade right now. I have another brother who is a freshman in high school. Sometimes he would rather be shot in the foot then go to school.

So what has happened?

Why is school such a chore when it used to be a joy?

There's many reasons.

I am only going to talk about one today.

Standardized tests.

On the surface, these tests are very good. Every test is the same, every child has the same test, the same grade expectations and the same opportunity to get reach those expectations. But that is the problem with the standardized tests. Every child is NOT the same. Each child is their own person, they learn in different ways. A child is not a blank slate.

Blank Slate is "the idea that the human mind has no inherent structure and can be inscribed at will by society or ourselves" - Steven Pinker

Well I disagree. We each have an identity. No one person is like the next. If this is true for adults, how can it not be the same for children? Identity is "the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another" (dictionary.com) If children were blank slates then standardized testing would be marvelous. Each child would be born as if they were a robot, a computer just waiting to be programed. When the reached the age of 5 they would go to school and teachers would all need to have PhD's in computer science in order to be able to program them correctly. By the time they reached high school age they would be perfect children, always doing what they were told, getting perfect scores on every test, never throwing spit balls at a teacher. Every student would graduate, with honors even, and then, when they turned 18, they would emerge into society and finally become capable adults.

But, fortunately, this is not the case. Mothers often compare their children, saying things like: "he never cried when he was a baby." "she was so fussy!" "he's a mama's boy!" Why do children have these different behaviors? Why aren't all children fussy, or quiet? Why don't all children sleep through the night? Because all children are different. There is no norm among humanity, at any age. the definition of Normal is "conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural." (dictionary.com) not abnormal. But, not one person on the face of this planet is the same as the next. so how can normal even exist? I guess then I could quote the Incredible's. "Everyone's special, Dash." "Yeah, which is another way of saying no one is." Yet everyone is special. not even identical twins are the same.

So, if no one is the same as someone else, why are schools giving standardized test, which are all the same, to students? I think they are under the deluded impression that all students are the same and will respond to the test in the same way, and respond to the pressure of taking a test in the same way, and give the same answers as the next kid because children are all the same.

NEWSFLASH!

They're not.