Oh! So That's What a Blinker Looks Like! - Millie

Does distance really make the heart grow fonder?

or does it just make the heart forget the things it does not like?

The thing is, I have never had anything I did like about .J.

I think I just got scared. I didn't really every stop liking him.

But last night... I had a dream. I know kind of silly, but still.

In my dream:

The Car drove along at a constant speed, down the straight road. There was no need for him to look at the road. He knew where he was going.

A Friend sat in the back seat, looking out the window.

I looked down at my hands. I wished that I could hold his. But he is not here yet, he was still serving his mission.

I put my hand close to his, but where he could not reach it. In between my seat and the arm rest between our seat.

He glanced down at my hand, then smiled and looked back at the road.

"You know I can't hold your hand right now." he said.

I smiled at him, kind of sadly, but still happy, because he would be back soon.

He took his eyes from the road and looked at me.

After a few moments he said, "I love you."

I put my head into my hands, feeling the tears come.

I didn't say I loved him. I had never even told him that I liked him, yet he still loved me.

He never took his eyes off of me, but silently took my hand. I look up at him, the love obvious in my eyes.

My friend suddenly pulled himself forward between the seats,

"Did you know that .J. is home now?" he said cheerily before sitting back in his seat and looked out the window again.

I beamed, and happily looked at .J. He looked at me and I whispered...

Then the dream changed, and I don't remember what it changed too. something about a broom and a wooden leg.

Do you think dreams can tell us things? I think so, but we have to ask what.

Some dreams are just that, dreams and have no real meaning.

But some are more. Some are meant for you to understand something, to give you hints.

maybe this is a hint for me. maybe it was just a dream.

or maybe...

"A dream is a wish your heart makes, when it's fast asleep. In dreams you lose your heartaches, Whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams and someday, your rainbow will come smiling thru. No Matter how your heart is grieving If You keep on believing The Dream that Wish Will come True."

"I know you! I walked with you once upon a dream! I know you, the gleem in your eyes is so familiar a gleem! And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem! But If I know you, I know what you'll do, you'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream."

orange jacket

this week is turning out to be a week of laziness!

I am just trying to make it to thursday, when I get to go home... I don't know If I can make it... well I can I just wish it was thursday already.

It is SO COLD!

Why is it so cold?

oh my goodness, it should be warmer.

But the good thing is I got to wear my new orange wool jacket! yay!

Awesomeess!

Let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings

Now I'm Heels over Head,

I'm hangin upside down

I don't know which way is up.

I don't know which way is down.

Confusion swirls, clouding the way.

my hands flail uselessly

Reaching for the holds that have receded.

Falling into the darkness, watching the light fade away.

shaking wakes me from my stupor

then a pinprick of light blinds me

I see a shape entering the light,

a flowing breeze following

breaking the stagnate air

Blowing fresh freedom into my face

A hand comes from the light,

reaching for me, not quite reaching.

The chains hold me down, pulling me tighter

I struggle, but the darkness has its grip

a sword, picking it up, I hit the chains.

They relinquish then attack, all in the same blink

again and again, I hit, relinquish, attack.

I hit, and pull my arm out reaching for the hand

help me, I'm stuck

our fingertips brush, then the chains pull me down again

both hands are free, I try to push out

they crush my legs, I reach again

reaching, reaching, touching, brushing

not close enough.

The light is closing, I won't make it!

the hand is being pulled back into the light

he can't stay here in the darkness long,

but then... I am not darkness, I am light.

I forgot

light, cracks of light appear on my skin,

breaking the dark crust appart

like the sun to dry dirt

the chains receed from the light coming from me

the light is from me

I am strong enough to fight off this darkness

I just needed a reminder

my sword turns to gold, shining, burning,

slicing through the air connecting with the darkness of chains

they disintegrate, falling into the pit

I reach up, unhindered, gasping his hand, our light bursting

as we met, glowing brighter than possible alone

We light the darkness

freeing others from their chains, their lights bursting from their skin

Grasping hands, making a chain, something to hold

we traverse the darkness together, entering the light

collapsing to the ground, our hands still entertwined

rest at last.

even when everything is going well, something is still going wrong.

Soren, I miss you too. Will you do me a favor?

Sit with someone new tomorrow.

I know it is scary, I know it is not what you do.

But please, look around and find someone you think looks interesting, or maybe you know just a little bit, and sit with them. you don't have to talk to them, you don't have to pretend to like them or anything, but listen to their conversation, answer when you are asked a question. heck, you could even say something on your own. If you don't like sitting alone, do something about it. I know you can, you just have to try, reach for the light and try.

slowly, but surely, I am reaching higher. gaining new friends, at the rate I am going now... one a month. unless it is like physics and i am going one meter per second per second. Then it would be one friend per week per week.... so maybe I will actually get to be asked to homecoming.... but maybe not.

Soren, you are so lucky. Remember that.

Titanic Tip and Daring Dash

I love the Little Mermaid.

Ballroom tryouts are on friday, I am so excited, and worried. But more excited. I hope the $300 covers new shoes... the ones I have now are kind of dead.

I am watching the little mermaid 2. then we are going to watch ariels beginning. ThenI think I want to watch the original.

I really want Soren to text me... GA!

Well... I can't think of much to talk about.

I GET TO GO HOME ON FRIDAY!

I miss my Mommy.

It is hard to be in a new place.

It is hard to not have close friends.

It is hard to have to do everything new.

It is hard to have to try new things.

It is hard to change.

And it is SUPER hard to do all of those things ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

I need a job, I don't know how to get one.

I need someone to dance with, I don't know who.

I miss my friends, I need some up here.

I miss my family, and what I am missing with them.

I miss having my own room, and a place to cry.

I miss reading books in a matter of hours because I have nothing else to do.

I miss talking with my mom until all hours of the night.

I miss having a phone on which I can text with one hand.

I miss my bed.

I miss cornbags.

I miss the other three weeks in this month.

I miss the Man I have not met yet in this life.

I miss my couch, and the support it offers.

I miss air conditioning.

I miss not having to worry about money.

I miss...