New Years Resolutions.

I have never seriously made a new years resolution. And just now I have decided that I need to make one, if not more.
I figure it does not matter if it is a little late, as long as I actually do it.

First, some background.
I went to California yesterday (and go my braces off!) and heard a commercial:
"Why not set a resolution you can actually accomplish, unlike 'losing weight', 'eating right', 'getting out of debt.'"
For some reason this commercial thinks that I can't do anything except buy a car.
Let me tell you something right now. I can do anything. 
And so I am going to.
I am going to set realistic goals for myself to help me achieve bigger goals.
1. Run 13 miles in a half-Marathon.
 I can run six, so what is 13? I guess I could work towards a 10k also....
2. Run a 10k
 I will do both
3. Pass all of my classes with A's
 This will be hard, especially sine I am taking more credits than normal and still working, but I can do anything.
4. Get to bed on time, most of the time.
 It is unrealistic for me to say I am going to be in bed by 10 every single night for the rest of the year. I can't do that any more than I can change the orbit of the moon. Things come up and I need to deal with those things. But I can be in bed by 10 most nights and then take a nap when I need it.
5. Get up on time
 7 is a prime time to wake up, and I hate waking up late. (Late being 7:30 or later) I feel gross and groggy for the rest of the day.

I am going to face my fears.

Read and Think

what are you scared of?

I am scared of snakes

nightmares about snakes

pictures of snakes

and making decisions.

Why?

Why would making decisions make me scared?

Because then I am accountable?

Yeah probably.

I don't like opening important e-mails

I don't like to do homework

I don't like to do anything productive

I just feel like when I make an important decision, even just the decision to clean my room or do my homework is scary to me.

how weird.

another thing that is weird... putting my fears on the internet...

now everyone can read this.

anyone could read this and know what I am doing.

if they were talented they could see where I was when I wrote it. Maybe even what I was listening to.

But it seems as if I don't care at the moment.

Here you go world. Here is what I am scared of.

Please do with it what you will.

I give it to you to read, to get frustrated over, to cry over, to pity, to laugh, to yell, to relay any emotion you choose.

Think about what I have written.

It may not be eloquent or beautiful. It may be simple and quiet. But it is here. Read and think.

Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body

I have never truly appreciated those words.

What is pain? A physical feeling. Torment.

Pain is not something that can hurt me.

Pain can only make me stronger.

Pain is the worst this world can dish out.

I am stronger than pain. I can stand the pain.

I have withstood the pain,

And now I am ready for the cleansing rain.

Ready to stand the test of time

Crying from the mountain

"I know That my Redeemer Lives!"

I know somebody's there

The path of least resistance.

That's what it's called.

The way to an easy hell

Walking the road

Staring behind

I know I just need to

Make up my mind.

Fear chokes me

Fear binds me

I struggle feebly

Not having the strength

to break free

To my knee's I fall

to the sky I weep

"Please free me from

what's inside of me."

I don't know when

I don't know how

But it grabbed hold

inside of me

It was small

only so small

But I left it unchecked

a seed grows with care

a weed grows despite it

chocking out my light

dragging me down to the ground,

I give way

only to pray

to fight with all i have left

"help me, I can't do it on my own

I need more than I have.

I will try to lift this burden alone

but i fear i shall fail, inside."

I cry and pray

and pray and cry

my body begins to despair

but I try again, and again, and again

I know somebody is there

for as long as I can

I kneel in that spot

wetting the ground around me

I feel the darkness creeping in

pushing at my small defenses

I know this is it

this is the end

unless I get some help

with a new burst of pray

I cry desperately

"please, please answer."

It will happen

I know it will

so I sit and listen and ponder

to my feelings from which

I try to hide,

to find which one is the bother.