Confliction

i want to just move on. 

i should just move on.

They want me to stay.

They are stuck in the past.

I am different now.

I need space.

I can't do this.

They broke promises. 

but that is not why I am upset.

I don't know why I am upset, just that I am.

I am trying to forgive and forget.

but it is hard when I don't know why.

But they don't understand. 

i feel guilty. 

i didn't even do anything wrong!

Why can't everything just be the was it is supposed to be!

i want to move on with my life and get started.

i am stuck here in high school not doing anything and I shouldn't be in high school anymore.

There is no point!

I have no friends.

well ... no close friends.

I have friends from school and people I talk to at school. But no one who I can just hang out with talk to , cry with, converse with, play with, walk with. 

I need someone who can be my best friend when no one else is there.

Why can't I find him?

why is he hiding?

I feel like I am in a "Find Waldo" book. except I am trying to "Find Lance" in the millions of other men who all look like a future Lance. But I can't find the stinking right one!

Emily and I are going to go man watching. :D I am way excited. we just have to find a day when we can do it. I was hoping for sometime this week, but it might turn out to be next week. 

On a brighter note. I read to my brothers out of the New Era. :D I love that magazine! It makes me feel so loved. I know that I am not the only one out there who is lonely. There are others who feel the same way as I do.

My scriptures are amazing. as is the Value Virtue. If you have not done it, DO IT! Get a packet from your young women's leader and DO IT! It is amazing and I have only doen two experiences! 

My mother is amazing. She supports me in the crazy things I do. She loves me. She will talk with me for hours upon hours until we both fall asleep from exhaustion. She will repremand me when I need it, but not to hard. just hard enough to make me want to change. 

My brothers are amazing. I wish everyone had brothers like I do. There is nothing better than a walk with them when they are happy.

Time to do what is Right.