"What do you want with me?" *

Do you ever feel like Satan is just trying to get at you? Like he is trying so hard to get you to do something you should not do?

Yesterday I went to a viewing of my friends grandpa. The line to see him went around the building. President Monson, elder Bednar, and Elder Perry were there. I actually got to see elder Perry, he stood right next to me. He smiles so much, and is so happy. He even took the time to walk down the line of people and shake hands, and he greated each person as if he knew them. It made me feel so important.

I knew when I got to the viewing that I wanted to be like that. I want to be remebered for helping people, for making people's lives better, for being a positive influence.

All day yesterday, and for about 2 weeks before that I had been getting steadily more scared about College. but yesterday after I decided I wanted to be the best I can be, It all came to a peak. Everything came together and I was so scared I was shaking and on the verge of tears. I got a headache, got mad at my mom and dad, then as soon as I came home I broke down and just started sobbing. I was shaking, crying, and rocking back and forth. Just sitting in my closet trying to hold myself together.

I started praying. I told Heavely Father how scared I was, How I didn't know what I supposed to do, even how I wanted my pillow( it was missing.)

The amazing thing about Heavely Father is, he knows just what we need and when we need it. My mom found my pillow.

the night before I had read a talk in the ensign aobut gaining faith. Then last night I opened my ensign because I knew I needed to read it. I knew I needed guidence and so I opened it to the talk I was going to read. "Faith in adversity" It was called.

"it's nice not to be so alone."

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27)

that is a scripture he used in the talk.

Now in some stories this would be the turning point, everything is going to get better now. Not in mine.

I woke up this morning and almost started crying again. I read my book of mormon and was disgusted at the nephites and lamanites, they were wicked, and so were cursed with a famine, then they repented and it was taken away. just 4 years later they did the same things that made them stupid in the first place. this happens so many times in the book of mormon, and in real life. It is called the pride cycle.

then I turned on my computer and watched x-men evolution. I wanted to escape. I wanted to not think about anything else. But that is not what I got. I could feel myself sinking lower and lower. I knew that I could not stay this way all day. So I got up and got in some grungy clothes and walked around for a minute. Then I went back to my room and wached some more. When I finally decided enough was enough, my dad came in.

"Are you depressed?"

"Yes"

he looked kind of shocked that I would say it like that. "Well pull yourself out of it."

I smiled a little bitt." That is just what I was going to do."

So I turned on "Bet on It" From High School Musical 2 and listened too it as I excersized. I worked myself hard, it felt so good. putting my frustration out on the excersizes, doing the most I could do, pushing myself.

I got up and was going to start doing chores, but when I saw myself in the mirror, I realized I needed to feel good too, so I took a long shower and then picked out an amazing outfit.

I think in order to feel goood, you have to look good also.

God does not want us to be sloppy all the time. He wants us to be happy and to feel good. We don't have to dress like the world to feel happy. Most of the time that just makes me feel miserable. Be modest, and beautiful.

"Be your own kind of beautiful."

*-Wolverine, X-men