I know somebody's there

The path of least resistance.

That's what it's called.

The way to an easy hell

Walking the road

Staring behind

I know I just need to

Make up my mind.

Fear chokes me

Fear binds me

I struggle feebly

Not having the strength

to break free

To my knee's I fall

to the sky I weep

"Please free me from

what's inside of me."

I don't know when

I don't know how

But it grabbed hold

inside of me

It was small

only so small

But I left it unchecked

a seed grows with care

a weed grows despite it

chocking out my light

dragging me down to the ground,

I give way

only to pray

to fight with all i have left

"help me, I can't do it on my own

I need more than I have.

I will try to lift this burden alone

but i fear i shall fail, inside."

I cry and pray

and pray and cry

my body begins to despair

but I try again, and again, and again

I know somebody is there

for as long as I can

I kneel in that spot

wetting the ground around me

I feel the darkness creeping in

pushing at my small defenses

I know this is it

this is the end

unless I get some help

with a new burst of pray

I cry desperately

"please, please answer."

It will happen

I know it will

so I sit and listen and ponder

to my feelings from which

I try to hide,

to find which one is the bother.

Just Do It.

Sometimes I can be obsessive.

Many of my friends have recognized this. And if they haven't, I guess they will.

Sometimes, I think it can be a good thing. If I want something done, that I want to do, I will do it. normally in just a few days.

But I don't like it.

I want to be able to pace myself, save things for later, cherrish what I have not.

I know I can do it. But for some reason, even though I want to, I don't want to at the same time.

When I start a book, I want to finish it. I want to finish it now. I want to know what happens.

When I start a show, I want to see what happens, I want to have it finished.

And in the middle of these obsessive bouts I think of what else I could be doing, of how I want to save it, of how I don't want to waste my life.

but what do I do?

Waste my life.

I am kind of scared to start something new because I know I won't do anything else.

but if I don't start new things what am I doing with my life.

Wasting it.

I am stuck between a Rock and a Hard Place.

Maybe I should ask for help.

Maybe I should start something and then ask someone to make me stop after so much time.... that could be good.

Maybe it would work.

When I do things obsessive I get mean. I treat my family rudely and I don't want to do anything til it is done.

I don't do anything.

I want to do something.

Something fun.

something not fun.

something I love

something I hate.

I want to do something new, something I have never done before and do it, whether I like it or not. I want to just do it.

The thing is, If I don't want to do it, I won't do it.

I have nothing to motivate myself. And if I give myself a reward I don't do it.

My birthday is on thursday.

that is my deadline.

For what?

Practicing.

Pacing myself.

Cooking.

Becoming a better person.

Doing the right thing.

Doing my homework.

Drawing.

Have you been Converted today?

I often wish I could say something that would change someone, that means something, that could help someone's day be just that much easier. But I can never think of the words. I end up just saying something ridiculous or venting for myself.

I wish I could share with others the joy I feel when I feel the spirit. I wish everyone could feel it.

It is not just a happy feeling, joy, or some other emotion that is wholly dependent on circumstance. It is a feeling of peace and power. One I can access at any time If I just allow the spirit to guide me. I am at peace because I know what I stand for is right. I know that even when I am at the end of my rope I can gain more patience just by praying for it. I know that my Father in Heaven wants me to be happy and to grow stronger, that is why he gives me trials. "Without the night we would not be able to see the stars."

Power. It is a scary word. Not everyone uses power righteously. Some use it to gain more power. Some use it over others. Some have it and don't use it. Each of these is not form God. The Power God gives us it to be used to help others, to help yourself, and to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."

Every day we must be converted. We cannot just expect one experience to hold for the rest of our lives. We must dedicate ourself to God everyday.

Every Day.

In Alma 23 The Lamanites lay down their weapons of rebellion.

What is your weapon of rebellion? And how do you bury it deep?

"Find Yourself Standing In Holy Places."

Why? Why should we go to the temple often? Why should we even believe in this God that we have never seen or met?

Because we have.

God is our Father in Heaven.

He is our Father. our Heavenly Father.

Don't push him away. don't leave him out of your life.

Follow what he says, even if it seems hard, or scary. He knows what is best.

Alma 27, the Anti-Nephi-Lehi's were being killed by the Lamanites. They needed somewhere to stay. They needed a new home. So they decided to go to the land of the Nephites. The only problem was that they had killed the Nephites brethren. What if the Nephites wanted to kill them? They asked God what they should do. God told them to go to the Nephites. And so they did. Knowing they may die, knowing the Nephites should hate them.

Yet God knows all, and always leads us in the right paths.

The Anti-Nephi-Lehi's got to the land of the nephites, and were welcomed with open arms, and even given land for them to live on. The Nephites put armies around them to protect them and keep them safe.

Have you been converted today?

green braces

SO california

I LOVE MY FAMILY!

MY uncle Jay is AMAZING!

I go tmy braces tightened, and I got cool green rubberbands.

I am pretty happy. I get to come back in 2 1/2 months.

I don't know what to write about.

Except IO got my new phone, with a battery that is to small so I can't use it. LAME

Flying Monkeys

WARNING: Everything I say in this post is a result of my highly emotional sate right now, therefore their may be some exaggerations, flying monkeys, words that were not actually said and times that do not exist.

Today my phone started acting out, AGAIN! for the 4th time... let me clarify. This is the 4th phone of the same model I have had in 5 months. (NOT an exaggeration!)

So I all Verizon. And the lady I spoke to was very helpful. She was nice and got me everything I needed.

So Then I proceed to go to the local verizon store. When I get there I find out that in order to exchange my phone I have to go to a bigger store which is in Salt Lake. So I drive to that store. 35 minutes later i get there and 10 minutes after that a man comes to help me.

First he tells me I needed to bring my charger. Well thanks for telling me sooner. Then he gives me a break because I live so far away.

Next he tells me he does not have the phone I am supposed to exchange my phone for. It is not in stock.

Then he tells me that I have to call to get them to ship it to me on monday.

So then I go to my car and cry for a while. Then I call my mom and she begins to try and make everything better.

So the best deal she came up woth was that they are going to send the new phone to the place I am staying at in california this weekend.

STUPID VERIZON!

When in Doubt eat the phonebook.

Who would have thought one person could make such a difference.

One person who I thought I would never speak to again.

but she has.

She does not know it. I don't think she ever will.

Just one day. One day of staring off into space and Castle.

It is amazing what one day can do.

Maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up. Maybe I should just stay in my protective little bubble and try not to stick a toe out. try to stay safe.

But I don't want to.

I Want to Get Out Of My Bubble!

Even If I do end up getting hurt. I think it will be worth it.

I hope it will be worth it.

I pray that it will be worth it.