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I got a letter from one of my best friends yesterday. :) I thought she had just forgotten to write to me!
Being organized... really makes me feel good.
Having a schedule is a powerful thing, now sticking to that schedule is even more powerful.
Sometimes I wonder about my life and what  I can do differently, then just toss it out the window.
But there is a quote I found one day...
"He who tries will never know the sorrow of one who never triumphed or failed."
I don't know how well I can do in school because I have never tried my hardest.
I don't know how great my piano can be because I have never practiced my hardest.
How many other people are like me?
Knowing they can be better but never trying because they are afraid they will fail?
I wonder why I try to sabotage myself...
Maybe I am so confused because I have never tried to fight for what I want. or for what I think I want. I would rather just sit back and let life go it's course.
But I can't do that.
Nope. If I want to be happy, I will do what I know I need to do no matter what the cost.

Revelation

well, I've started.
I am going to get into math 1050 next semester even if I have to work everyday over winter break to get there!
And I know that I can do this, even if I really don't want to.
And I know something else now.
Being a well rounded person is not a bad thing.
It is ok if I need to learn math. It can't take anything away from me. It can only help me.
I am so thankful for inspiration and discernment, they are such blessings in my life.
There are so many things I would be lost of if I did not have those two things.
I am also thankful for my mother. :) on Fruits Basket Toru is talking to her mother and says "But mommy, I was born to be with you."
And I was, I was born to be with my mom until that time that I am ready to be with someone else.
Well, time to get organized.

Wonderful Time of the Year

Blessings come in different shapes and sizes. Sometimes is so blatantly obvious that there is no possible way to miss it, but I still do. Other times, it is so small that it is passed off as nothing.
Like the other day at work. I was running a check through the machine and I felt like I should check the date, I did and it was wrong. Thanks Heavenly Father.
Then there are the big ones. Like having amazing friends. Sometimes I take them for granted. Especially the ones I have had for such a long time it is just natural for them to be a part of my life. It is hard to recognize them as blessings. But then I read something they write, talk to them, or just look at old pictures or letters and I remember. You are a blessing in my life.
Some are small and tiny
Some are larger than my life
But all are my gifts.
Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for staying by my side for so long, even if from a distance. Thank you for confiding in me and trusting me. Thank you for supporting me

Some Facts about Life

I am going to get this out there now.
I HATE running  with my dog. It makes me so angry!
I don't know where our choke collar is so I can't bring it to get him to behave.
He does not do what I say unless I get angry.
He gets scared every time a car passes... and seeing as I am running on the street, that is every 5 seconds! He jumps and runs into me nearly making me trip.
GA! He is the biggest scaredy cat (ahem, dog) I have ever seen! It is not even cute! It is stupid and sad.
I want to have a dog when I grow up just so I can teach him to behave properly! Gadfrey!
On the bright side I  ran yesterday and I worked out today.
Maybe my mother and I can get out weight bench put together soon and I will be able to use that.
Every time I see someone who is physically, amazingly, fit it makes me want to be just as fit. So going to my brothers wrestling matches are helping me quite a bit.
I see these boys who are in high school and are more fit than than I ever was.
Granted, now I am more fit than I have ever been but I am not satisfied yet.

Rupunzel is no doubt the strongest
princess, physically and mentally!

On a lighter note, Tangled was... how should I put this? In the words of Flynn Rider "Stupendous."
I am so glad it lived up to my expectations!
Makes my life so much happier. :)

2 hard things before I close, Jumping rope 400 times is very, VERY hard. and not eating for a half hour after you exercise is difficult, especially when you did not eat before hand.

a Sad Story

I made breakfast for the little boys today.
Apple muffins. mmmm
Fish helped me make them, lots of fun.
We stuck them in our big muffin tin and then into the oven, waiting for them to be done.
Five minutes before it is time to go, "Ding! done! I open it up and take the muffins out of the tin, I put one on a plate for Fish and Dabbo then go to get one for myself, when what would you know! They are raw in the middle! I get the muffins back from the boys and stick them back in the pan, and back in the oven.
I felt so bad! so instead of having muffins for breakfast, the boys got ham and cheese.... not a sandwich, just a piece of ham and a cheese stick. How horrible.
But I am saving them some muffins for after school when they get to watch How to Train Your Dragon. It may be a good day after all!

New Blog!

OH! I nearly forgot!
http://ellebennett.fastrunningblog.com/
New blog all about Running! YAY!
Just to log my miles and keep track of everything, maybe even talk to some more runners about how they do things. I feel kinda alone in running out here at home.

Adventures of Cooper and Eaven

I ran 4.95 miles today. It felt so good! I wanted to die when I started, but I kept going. Then felt just fine in the middle and towards the end did not want to stop!
But that is not the most exciting thing that happened today.
I run with my dog, Cooper. He... does better with a choke collar but I couldn't find it today. So We are just running along and then I see this dog up the street from us. I rolled my eyes, I could tell he was going to follow us, I just knew it. But I didn't pay any attention to him until he tried to sneak up on Cooper. So I turned around and told him to sit in my most commanding voice. He didn't, but Copper did, so I must have done something right. The dog just kept coming forward so I walked up to it and put my hand out, seeing as it didn't bite it off like Renee's dog tried to, I think he must have liked me. So Then I pushed him away.
I forgot one of the most important details of my story.... Cooper is a huge dog, coming up to my hip, but he is also the biggest coward I have ever met. He is scared of the broom, for goodness sake!
So, as you can imagine, Cooper is hiding behind my legs this whole time, nearly tripping me in the process. After a few minutes of fending the dog off he backs off a few feet and I decide it is time to start running again. Cooper and I run, but the dog gets closer and closer, zig zagging as if that will throw me off. He seriously looked like he was a bad spy.
I tell Cooper to sit and stay as i turn and start walking towards the other dog, who is still coming at me, hiding behind the 2 inch grass. Cooper does an excellent job of staying... until I start running toward the other dog. cooper must have thought that he was going to get left behind or something because he starts running toward me.
Luckily, this is what scared the dog off and I was able to finish my run in peace.
Well mostly peaceful.
On the way back to my house we ran into three more dogs, but they were all tied up so all they could do was bark and growl at us.
But as I said before, Cooper is a coward and he started pushing against my legs, trying to knock me over, or maybe he was trying to protect himself with me. huh... I wonder which it was?
any way it got bad enough that I stopped him and scolded him for a moment. Yes, I scolded my dog.
Dogs are like children, they need to be scolded. If they are just comforted and loved every time they do something wrong, they will end up disobedient and full of themselves.

A Wasted Expenditure

So I finally tried my Soft Star shoes... and they are a no go.
They are to big, but I measured my feet the way they said to... Anyway, never running in those again!
Joe says I should go to a running store. I think it is a good idea.
My mom says I should try real mocasins! I think it is a good idea... an amazing idea actually.
Oh and she was talking about some tire shoes she had when she was little... I want some. I think I want to try those.
Running shoes are EXPEN$IVE!
I am going to go broke if I keep buying shoes!
So I will have to stop soon. Good think I have a job!
Blisters.. don't feel good.
especially when they are on the bottoms of your feet where walking takes place

Going to run again tomorrow, hopefully my feet don't hurt as much as they did.
Maybe I will try running in my Crocs like Joe's friend.... maybe not.

Things that Happen

My shoes came today!
I am very excited to try them out, but, unfortunately, I will not be able to until Monday.
I did wear them just as I went to get my cousin. i found a spot that may rub when I run, and I don't know if they are to floppy or not. It seems like they may make me trip on rocks and such, but if I got them any smaller I think my feet would have been squished. I guess I will find out if they are going to work on Monday when I run.
I love conference.
It makes me feel so happy, even if I really want to sleep. But I am going to have to miss the last fifteen ish minutes of today's afternoon session because I have to go to work.
Well I am not paying attention, I will have to write some more later, maybe when I get home from work EXTREMELY late.

Promise

So remember how running is contagious? or just a love of running.
Anyway, I showed my dad the right way to run, and he tried it out on his own. He decided he was just going to go a 1/4 of a mile, but before he knew it, he had gone for 1/2 a mile, all while running. He hasn't been able to do that before!
Then today I got my mom to run around the block with me, and even though her throat hurt when we were done she couldn't seem to stop running.
Maybe they don't love it yet, but hopefully a love will grow. Maybe I will be able to run with my family!
But then I also wonder.... What if they develop the love of running that I am working so hard to forge? I want to love running. When I am not running I love it. But when I run, I can't seem to find the place when I can run comfortably, when I can just go and not have to think about anything until 10 miles later when I need a drink of water.
I don't want to run with anyone, I want to figure out how I run on my own with out having to worry about how fast I am going when I will be home if someone wants to talk or if I am talking to much. I can't seem to find a way to do this.
I should just go one day. Just go. I wish it would rain. I wish my shoes would come. I wish I wish I wish. I will do this. I don't care how long it takes, I will run 42 miles consecutively.

Running Confusion

My legs are so sore.
I took a break today, not wanting to get up to run before work.

Maybe I will be able to run
to the Great Salt Lake

My legs are feeling it from earlier this week!
Every time I bent down to pick something up I almost groaned.
Having sore muscles hurts so much, yet feels so good at the same time.

I was talking to Joe about running yesterday. I felt like I was interviewing someone for a paper.
I got to ask him bunches and bunches of questions, it was really helpful.

I wish I could run as far as I will be able to eventually.
My goal is to be able to run 42 miles. But by when? When should I be able to run that far? How do I come up with a training schedule? Should I even use one? I know that my body is able to run farther than my brain is able to run.
How do I work past the blocks I have put up in my mind? Do I work past them all at once? or should I move them slowly, build a door through the walls that are in my mind?
Do I need to throw out traditional thoughts on running? Should I experiment myself with everything I do? Should I get professional advice?
I am very confused about everything. I am reading things that are contrary to other things I have read. But I am also realizing that I am not as fit as some of the people who I have read about and, at this point in time, I do not have the ability to throw out all the rules. or maybe I do. I don't know.
There are many questions I still have and a lot of them I have to answer for myself, even though many people may have lots of answers for me. I am the only one who knows what I can do.

Sleeping = Good

Second post today.

Last night I could not fall asleep. I was lying awake in bed for an hour before I finally fell asleep, and once I did I had a dream about a guy I knew.

Then when I woke up and went running I felt so AMAZING!

I was running all over the house, and when it was time for work I was so happy. I went to work and did not even notice my feet hurting... until my running high ran out. Then I was so lethargic and in pain I could barely even function!

I guess getting up early after not getting enough sleep is not a very good combination.

These Feet Were Made for Running

Running this morning was amazing. Granted I did get a little spooked when something moved in the bushes as we walked up to the course. On our way back, it was a little lighter, and we saw that it was a cow. Man, when I am running cows should just stay away!

When I was in high school, I was running at a cross country meet. I was in my usual place, with the closest person maybe 20 yards ahead of me. I was going along, trying not to trip over rocks and such when I hear a menacing "MOOOOOOOOO!" Startled I looked up from the ground. Not three feet away was a cow and her calf. I nearly screamed, but luckily I was so out of breath that it didn't come out. I started sprinting forward. There was no way I was going to be alone on the trail with a cow. I ran faster and faster until I saw my friend just ahead of me. I breathed a labored sigh of relief. I started to drop back again, feeling safe. The cows would not come after me if there were two people! But then I realized, I had just pushed myself harder than ever, and for some bizarre reason... it had felt great!

That was the first time I had felt a joy of running. But it was certainly not the last!

My friend Renee came home from school, going on about how she could run again. I was fascinated, and so I started looking into it. Who would have though a love of running was contagious?

Tennis Shoes Have Failed Me

I ran barefoot the other day for about twenty minutes. Last time I ran barefoot (just around the block) my feet hurt for two days! So I figured that I would let my feet relish in the comfort of my old running shoes.

I have not worn my 'running' (tennis) shoes for about 3 months now. I just just been sticking to my Vibram 5 fingers, But then I stopped using those, because they give me blisters. I have been at a standstill, until I thought... "Hey, why not just go with out any shoes at all!" It is a rather marvelous idea.

Anyway, I wore my Tennis Shoes to work, and two hours in my feet were killing me! My arches ached, the supports in my shoes felt like they were digging into my feet and trying to

rip my tendons and bones and muscles apart from the inside! Eventually I got to go home and get my Converse, which (thankfully) have no support and are just flat. Even though my heels hurt because I am standing on them all day, it is much better than my arches.

Tomorrow my plans for the day include getting up early to run, with no shoes.

I want to build up the calluses on my feet, but I think it may be a little late in the year for that. Snow is coming soon and I am just trying to find a good pair of minimalistic shoes that will be good for the snow. So far I am coming up on a blank.

Any Ideas?

As my Vibram's give me blisters in four places, I am thinking of chucking those. As a result I

have been checking out other minimalistic shoes and have come across the RunAmoc from Soft Star. It seems to be everything I need. No toe pockets to restrict my toes and therefore no seams in my toe pockets to rub on my toes and give me blisters. They are moccasins for running. A wide toe bay for my toes to spread out, custom sizing for (as far as I can tell right now) the

same price, as well as custom colors.

I really want to buy them right now and just test them, but that is what I did with my Vibram's and now my feet hurt when I wear them. I need to do more research into what I am buying before I spend $80 more dollars on running shoes.

Nightmare

She stood in the doorway, her eyes wide in horror.

her mother's head hung from her father's hand, dripping with blood.

She shook her head her hand coming to her mouth.

A soft cackle came from her father's throat.

"Finally, it is mine!"

He held his hand up, a golden scyth gleaming with blood raised into the air.

Kerr couldn't hold it in anymore, she screamed.

He turned around suddenly, a soft smile spread across his evil blood spattered face.

"Come here my child." his long finger beckoned her near.

She shook her head taking a step back.

He lunged for her, but she found the strength to turn and run.

she scrambled down the hall, knocking things down behind her so he couldn't follow.

she reached the door, the guards leaping out of her way.

She ran past the gate, shutting it behind her and pulling the lock through to the outside and locked it.

Her father was chasing her, the scyth still in his hand, dripping with her mother's blood, thirsting for hers.

She ran away from the gate, falling down and scuttling back as her father hit the gate.

"Come back, Child!" he screamed.

she brought her legs under her and forced herself to keep running.

"I will get you! One day! I will get you!"

Kerr bolted up, nearly tumbling out of the tree she was in. Ilan was resting next to her, he lifted his muzzel to look at her. She rubbed between his ears.
"It was just a dream.. he is not here."

Ilan woofed quietly and settled his head in her lap.

Read and Think

what are you scared of?

I am scared of snakes

nightmares about snakes

pictures of snakes

and making decisions.

Why?

Why would making decisions make me scared?

Because then I am accountable?

Yeah probably.

I don't like opening important e-mails

I don't like to do homework

I don't like to do anything productive

I just feel like when I make an important decision, even just the decision to clean my room or do my homework is scary to me.

how weird.

another thing that is weird... putting my fears on the internet...

now everyone can read this.

anyone could read this and know what I am doing.

if they were talented they could see where I was when I wrote it. Maybe even what I was listening to.

But it seems as if I don't care at the moment.

Here you go world. Here is what I am scared of.

Please do with it what you will.

I give it to you to read, to get frustrated over, to cry over, to pity, to laugh, to yell, to relay any emotion you choose.

Think about what I have written.

It may not be eloquent or beautiful. It may be simple and quiet. But it is here. Read and think.

Calm? Not.

How am I supposed to be able to know what people want if they don't tell me?
I can't read minds.
I don't get those notes you send me from inside your head.
I don't have a mental e-mail address or zip code.
I don't KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING!
We don't have good communication skills, but that does not mean we have to get mad at each other every time the other person does not remeber to read your mind before they make every single decision!
I am really upset right now. I need to have my mom read a paper, but I don't want to go home right now. I want my classes to be over with! I want to not have to worry about them for a minute. just one minute.

When Things Don't Turn Out How You Expected

Wow.

I feel like I have changed so much but at the same time not at all.

I feel the same as I always have. There is nothing different about me

at least... that is what I think when I am alone.

Then I spend time with someone I have not seen in a while and I realize how much I have changed, and them also.

I have a friend whom I love dearly, but we have grown apart and she has changed, so much. And in more ways than one.

I feel like we have taken opposite paths and somehow, I have taken the "better" one.

for some reason, when I look at my tree of friends, I am always at the bottom looking up, never at the top, never in the middle. Always at the bottom, but content to see my friends rise.

but recently, I have realized I am progressing also. I have things I want. I have things I can do to make myself become a better person.

And so I have. I have slowly worked my way to a place that I feel comfortable and proud of myself.

for the first time in a while... I love my life. :D

What happened? I used to love school!

"But after years of rote memorization and drills, what were once intellectually excited and motivated five-year-olds have become bored or grade-obsessed teenagers. Their thrill over accomplishing real tasks and exhibiting real skills is replaced with anxiety over upcoming tests and a concern for high grades." - http://www.engines4ed.org/hyperbook/nodes/NODE-69-pg.html

My brother is so excited to be in school. He is in first grade right now. I have another brother who is a freshman in high school. Sometimes he would rather be shot in the foot then go to school.

So what has happened?

Why is school such a chore when it used to be a joy?

There's many reasons.

I am only going to talk about one today.

Standardized tests.

On the surface, these tests are very good. Every test is the same, every child has the same test, the same grade expectations and the same opportunity to get reach those expectations. But that is the problem with the standardized tests. Every child is NOT the same. Each child is their own person, they learn in different ways. A child is not a blank slate.

Blank Slate is "the idea that the human mind has no inherent structure and can be inscribed at will by society or ourselves" - Steven Pinker

Well I disagree. We each have an identity. No one person is like the next. If this is true for adults, how can it not be the same for children? Identity is "the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another" (dictionary.com) If children were blank slates then standardized testing would be marvelous. Each child would be born as if they were a robot, a computer just waiting to be programed. When the reached the age of 5 they would go to school and teachers would all need to have PhD's in computer science in order to be able to program them correctly. By the time they reached high school age they would be perfect children, always doing what they were told, getting perfect scores on every test, never throwing spit balls at a teacher. Every student would graduate, with honors even, and then, when they turned 18, they would emerge into society and finally become capable adults.

But, fortunately, this is not the case. Mothers often compare their children, saying things like: "he never cried when he was a baby." "she was so fussy!" "he's a mama's boy!" Why do children have these different behaviors? Why aren't all children fussy, or quiet? Why don't all children sleep through the night? Because all children are different. There is no norm among humanity, at any age. the definition of Normal is "conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural." (dictionary.com) not abnormal. But, not one person on the face of this planet is the same as the next. so how can normal even exist? I guess then I could quote the Incredible's. "Everyone's special, Dash." "Yeah, which is another way of saying no one is." Yet everyone is special. not even identical twins are the same.

So, if no one is the same as someone else, why are schools giving standardized test, which are all the same, to students? I think they are under the deluded impression that all students are the same and will respond to the test in the same way, and respond to the pressure of taking a test in the same way, and give the same answers as the next kid because children are all the same.

NEWSFLASH!

They're not.

what on earth...

What is the best birth control for teenagers? Have them watch three little children for the weekend...

I understand why parents need babysitter's.

Geology... My teacher is much like the teachers in Charlie Brown

"Wa, wa wa wa wa."

I am so bored I cannot even think of anything to type!

Kagami sat in class, her mind wandered, she already knew this. Her teacher was rambling on, she politely "took notes" and looked up once in a while, but she never actually heard what he said.

Yuuto was across the room, writing studiously in his notebook, he was so good. She should be better and write more notes. She tried to focus but ended up picking out a mole on the teachers face.

She shook her head and wen't back to her notebook. She blinked in surprise. Yuuto's name was written, surrounded by hearts. Had she written that? No... she did not. She looked around, who would have done it?

She looked up again, Yuuto was looking at her.

She was staring at her notebook looking confused. Even that look was beautiful on her face. What was he thinking, he had only known her for a few days. He looked away, smiling to himself. Who would have thought that he could have found someone he wanted to spend so much time with here? To bad he still had to do what the company said. It would be so much easier to be with her if he were not galavanting around the city at night. Well, she had Kamani to keep her company. Not that he had spent much time with her yet, he should...

ok.. bored ness. I don't know what to write!

Finish the Story

I looked up at the impressive, yet bland building. It stood at least 50 stories tall. Everytime I walked into that building, I felt a heavy weight crush down on my shoulders. the door open for me, and I enter the bustling chaos of an office building.

His eyes never left the leaf as it floated down, ever so slowly.

"don't... don't touch the ground."

Yet a leaf with no connection to a tree or stem, will touch the ground, and that is what this leaf did, shriveling into a black ball of ash as it did.

"Paint a picture using imagination and lines. do not draw shapes, do not draw objects. Draw lines connecting into other lines to create something bigger, a more complex line." the teacher stood at the front of the classroom demonstrating on the chalkboard as she spoke.

Pick one and finish it.

... I Want One...

The other night while i was at work a girl came in with a shirt on that said "I am hotter than you girlfriend." Since I was leaving and I was giving my girlfriend a ride home, I grabbed my girlfriend and caught up with the girl. I stood my girlfriend next to her and began to look at both of them. I then said to the girl "Nope sorry my girlfriend is still WAY hotter." The look on her face...priceless. And I also got a really big kiss from my girlfriend. MLIA

Please?

Today, I ordered a burger from Freddy's Steakburgers. I picked up my order, and I accidently dropped the bag. As i was about to pick it up, the guy at the window yelled at me, "WAIT DON'T PICK IT UP!". He Proceeds to take out a spiderman doc-oc arm and claws it up and hands it to me. MLIA

www.mylifeisaverage.om

Go there

I can now drive a stick shift. :D

I am very happy about this. And today I did it for the first time with out a teacher/parent/ mentor type person in the car with me! I still need to work on some things, but I can drive, which is GREAT!

Ventilation

ASTE/ETE 3440

Agriculture systems technology and education.

science, technology, and modern society

why did I take this class?

7 week class.

Presentation that makes up half of my grade on monday.

WHY ME!

I have never met one person in my group, nor will I ever, seeing as they don't live within 50 miles of my current location. why would I be put in a group that is not at the campus I am in when there are plenty of people to be put in a group with me at my campus?!!?!?!?

I don't know.

but I my freak out a little bit.

scooters

I want a nap... I had one... but I need another one.

reward

A blog. What is a blog

To Be Or Not To Be.

Hamlet had this thing with death, which I don't quite understand.

you know, I can think of no greater reward than to die. To know that my mission on this earth is fufilled and I get to go and live in heaven with my Heavenly Father... There is no greater reward than that.

Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body

I have never truly appreciated those words.

What is pain? A physical feeling. Torment.

Pain is not something that can hurt me.

Pain can only make me stronger.

Pain is the worst this world can dish out.

I am stronger than pain. I can stand the pain.

I have withstood the pain,

And now I am ready for the cleansing rain.

Ready to stand the test of time

Crying from the mountain

"I know That my Redeemer Lives!"

Happy

Have you, you reading this, ever had a prayer answered? A BIG prayer? One that you have had for a long time? for a few years maybe?

Say you prayed for food. not food, your favorite food.

before you prayed, you had your favorite food, then it rotted. So you prayed for some more. But instead of giving you that special food, he gave you something that was just as good... but not the same. Then that rotted too. So he gave you something else, but still not what you wanted. Yet you were happy. I was happy. Then when that rotted, I Prayed and prayed. and do you know what happened?

I got my favorite food. but this time.. I am putting it in the fridge. This time it is going to keep.

And I am Happy.

the Unsinkable Molly Brown

to the world, she was on top of the world. but to her, She was at her lowest. Molly Brown realized that material things do not bring her happiness. Spiritual things do.

In institute today we talked about the signs of Christ's birth and death.

I knew all of the signs, and I knew how devastating some were.

I did not know what some of them meant.

Three Days Of Darkness.

In the scriptures it says that the darkness was vapor like. You could not even light a candle. But why three days? and why darkness. Why not something else. I have always associated the darkness with Christ's death, but I didn't realize how much.

D&C 88:7-13

"7 Which truth shineth. This is the light of Christ. As also he is in the sun and the light of the sun, and the power thereof by whih it was made.

"8 As also he is in the moon, and is the light of the moon, and the power thereof by which it was made...

"11 And the light which shineth, which gieveth you light, is through him who enlighteneth your eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth your understandings."

It was dark because the Light was gone. Christ was dead. "I am the light of the world." The light of the world was gone.

Another interesting thing we spoke about was verse 11. The light of Christ was gone. Was faith gone? Did the believers still believe?

Children are afraid of the dark. Some adults are afraid of the dark. It is supposedly an irrational thing to be scared of. When in the dark, the first thing I look for is a light. Any light. Even if it is the light on the smoke detector or the stars on my celling.

When we are in our darkest hour, we look for the light of Christ. We look for the Light.

In 3 Nephi 10:13 it says, toward the bottom "Neither were they overpowered by the vapor of smoke and of darkness."

In Helamen 5, the prison was falling down. But in the center was a ring of fire, and the missonaries were protected from the darkness and shakings. The people asked, "What must we do that this cloud of darkness may be removed from us?" Do you know what they are told? To Repent and Cry unto the Lord.

repent= change.

The people were not overpowered by the vapor because they had been converted.

What is the difference between a testimony and conversion?

Testimony

- Is to know something

- is to be convinced of the truth

- is to know and declare

- talk about faith.

Conversion

- is to become something

- is to be changed (repent)

- to do, to become, I am.

- to be faithful.

"it is not enough to go through the motions. We have to become what our Heavenly Father wants us to become."

A D?

Sometimes when everything is going well, we forget about the bad things. Even if they still have not been solved.
sometimes being philosopical is as easy as saying "Leave Your Message At The Sound Of The Tone."
Well Why are you telling me?
that teacher gave a D on last weeks homework
she said "Miss Sally Brown
your grades are going down!"
I should have told her

Your new philosophy

My new philosopy.
"Miss B?"
"I'm she."
"look see."
"A D?"
"A D."
"Well Why are you telling me?"
and that's my new philosophy. :D

For some reason, my favorite characters die.
I do not like that.
Not in every book I read, but in many... they die.
L.A.M.E.
HAHA!
FINE
Freaked out
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional
the italian job.

Every time I bring that up my aunt makes sure to tell me, "they are making a brazilian job with the same characters!"

Nothing to say. Just bored. Waiting for class to start. I should have brought my compy.
I want to write a story.

The time To Act Will Be At Hand

My cousin... is pretty amazing.

11 years old and knows how to make some amazing peaches and cream... and has a very good taste for good movies (namely princess and the frog.)

there is a HUGE fire on the road going from where I live. my friend can't get in from salt lake and my dad can't get out from here... he will probably be late for work.

California on thursday. I am pretty excited, but I really want to go to the beach and I don't know if I will have time!!!!!

I have only been procastinating my paper all day long... I started to work on it earlier and then... yes I admit it... I got distracted by farm town. then the next time I tried.. Castle... then Stargate Atlantis... and this time... impending doom... jk. just a fire.

Anyway.. nothing profound today.

Nothing really to talk about either.

It would be cool to talk in verse all the time

"and the planets will a line ever so nicely!"

"aye, Verse"

-Hercules.. actually Hades and the Fates but you get it.

YAY for Friends!

How is it that one day you can be so unhappy then the next day you speak to one person and everything is better?

I made two new friends this week.

and last week...

Cherstan and Seiaeo ( the eo is silent)

I am so happy!

Seia and I had breakfast the other day, she made bacon, eggs, bagles and orange juice. It was so yummy. I felt so happy that I could just eat as much bacon as I wanted. very satisfying.

Cherstan is in two of my classes and I get to see her at institute on tuesdays. She also has a very cute brother....

I love making new friends!

I know somebody's there

The path of least resistance.

That's what it's called.

The way to an easy hell

Walking the road

Staring behind

I know I just need to

Make up my mind.

Fear chokes me

Fear binds me

I struggle feebly

Not having the strength

to break free

To my knee's I fall

to the sky I weep

"Please free me from

what's inside of me."

I don't know when

I don't know how

But it grabbed hold

inside of me

It was small

only so small

But I left it unchecked

a seed grows with care

a weed grows despite it

chocking out my light

dragging me down to the ground,

I give way

only to pray

to fight with all i have left

"help me, I can't do it on my own

I need more than I have.

I will try to lift this burden alone

but i fear i shall fail, inside."

I cry and pray

and pray and cry

my body begins to despair

but I try again, and again, and again

I know somebody is there

for as long as I can

I kneel in that spot

wetting the ground around me

I feel the darkness creeping in

pushing at my small defenses

I know this is it

this is the end

unless I get some help

with a new burst of pray

I cry desperately

"please, please answer."

It will happen

I know it will

so I sit and listen and ponder

to my feelings from which

I try to hide,

to find which one is the bother.

Just Do It.

Sometimes I can be obsessive.

Many of my friends have recognized this. And if they haven't, I guess they will.

Sometimes, I think it can be a good thing. If I want something done, that I want to do, I will do it. normally in just a few days.

But I don't like it.

I want to be able to pace myself, save things for later, cherrish what I have not.

I know I can do it. But for some reason, even though I want to, I don't want to at the same time.

When I start a book, I want to finish it. I want to finish it now. I want to know what happens.

When I start a show, I want to see what happens, I want to have it finished.

And in the middle of these obsessive bouts I think of what else I could be doing, of how I want to save it, of how I don't want to waste my life.

but what do I do?

Waste my life.

I am kind of scared to start something new because I know I won't do anything else.

but if I don't start new things what am I doing with my life.

Wasting it.

I am stuck between a Rock and a Hard Place.

Maybe I should ask for help.

Maybe I should start something and then ask someone to make me stop after so much time.... that could be good.

Maybe it would work.

When I do things obsessive I get mean. I treat my family rudely and I don't want to do anything til it is done.

I don't do anything.

I want to do something.

Something fun.

something not fun.

something I love

something I hate.

I want to do something new, something I have never done before and do it, whether I like it or not. I want to just do it.

The thing is, If I don't want to do it, I won't do it.

I have nothing to motivate myself. And if I give myself a reward I don't do it.

My birthday is on thursday.

that is my deadline.

For what?

Practicing.

Pacing myself.

Cooking.

Becoming a better person.

Doing the right thing.

Doing my homework.

Drawing.

Have you been Converted today?

I often wish I could say something that would change someone, that means something, that could help someone's day be just that much easier. But I can never think of the words. I end up just saying something ridiculous or venting for myself.

I wish I could share with others the joy I feel when I feel the spirit. I wish everyone could feel it.

It is not just a happy feeling, joy, or some other emotion that is wholly dependent on circumstance. It is a feeling of peace and power. One I can access at any time If I just allow the spirit to guide me. I am at peace because I know what I stand for is right. I know that even when I am at the end of my rope I can gain more patience just by praying for it. I know that my Father in Heaven wants me to be happy and to grow stronger, that is why he gives me trials. "Without the night we would not be able to see the stars."

Power. It is a scary word. Not everyone uses power righteously. Some use it to gain more power. Some use it over others. Some have it and don't use it. Each of these is not form God. The Power God gives us it to be used to help others, to help yourself, and to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."

Every day we must be converted. We cannot just expect one experience to hold for the rest of our lives. We must dedicate ourself to God everyday.

Every Day.

In Alma 23 The Lamanites lay down their weapons of rebellion.

What is your weapon of rebellion? And how do you bury it deep?

"Find Yourself Standing In Holy Places."

Why? Why should we go to the temple often? Why should we even believe in this God that we have never seen or met?

Because we have.

God is our Father in Heaven.

He is our Father. our Heavenly Father.

Don't push him away. don't leave him out of your life.

Follow what he says, even if it seems hard, or scary. He knows what is best.

Alma 27, the Anti-Nephi-Lehi's were being killed by the Lamanites. They needed somewhere to stay. They needed a new home. So they decided to go to the land of the Nephites. The only problem was that they had killed the Nephites brethren. What if the Nephites wanted to kill them? They asked God what they should do. God told them to go to the Nephites. And so they did. Knowing they may die, knowing the Nephites should hate them.

Yet God knows all, and always leads us in the right paths.

The Anti-Nephi-Lehi's got to the land of the nephites, and were welcomed with open arms, and even given land for them to live on. The Nephites put armies around them to protect them and keep them safe.

Have you been converted today?

green braces

SO california

I LOVE MY FAMILY!

MY uncle Jay is AMAZING!

I go tmy braces tightened, and I got cool green rubberbands.

I am pretty happy. I get to come back in 2 1/2 months.

I don't know what to write about.

Except IO got my new phone, with a battery that is to small so I can't use it. LAME

Flying Monkeys

WARNING: Everything I say in this post is a result of my highly emotional sate right now, therefore their may be some exaggerations, flying monkeys, words that were not actually said and times that do not exist.

Today my phone started acting out, AGAIN! for the 4th time... let me clarify. This is the 4th phone of the same model I have had in 5 months. (NOT an exaggeration!)

So I all Verizon. And the lady I spoke to was very helpful. She was nice and got me everything I needed.

So Then I proceed to go to the local verizon store. When I get there I find out that in order to exchange my phone I have to go to a bigger store which is in Salt Lake. So I drive to that store. 35 minutes later i get there and 10 minutes after that a man comes to help me.

First he tells me I needed to bring my charger. Well thanks for telling me sooner. Then he gives me a break because I live so far away.

Next he tells me he does not have the phone I am supposed to exchange my phone for. It is not in stock.

Then he tells me that I have to call to get them to ship it to me on monday.

So then I go to my car and cry for a while. Then I call my mom and she begins to try and make everything better.

So the best deal she came up woth was that they are going to send the new phone to the place I am staying at in california this weekend.

STUPID VERIZON!

When in Doubt eat the phonebook.

Who would have thought one person could make such a difference.

One person who I thought I would never speak to again.

but she has.

She does not know it. I don't think she ever will.

Just one day. One day of staring off into space and Castle.

It is amazing what one day can do.

Maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up. Maybe I should just stay in my protective little bubble and try not to stick a toe out. try to stay safe.

But I don't want to.

I Want to Get Out Of My Bubble!

Even If I do end up getting hurt. I think it will be worth it.

I hope it will be worth it.

I pray that it will be worth it.

Banana Muffins, Apple Muffins, Chicken Noodle Soup

My tummy hurts. I don't feel good.

I have to get out of my cave today.

or tomorrow.

but I need to do it soon

I am worried

Worried about my grandparents.

They are not doing well

My mom is worried

She is stressed

She hides it

But I know she is crying inside

she is so stressed

she is sick

I have to be strong

for me

for my mom

for my grandparents

if I can't I don't know

what will happen.

My mom made muffins

mmmmmm

she is a wonderful cook

nothing beats mom's cooking

ever.

Ratatouille all over

It's back! It's Back! My Compy's Back!

"if that is not a function what do you call it?" "not a function."

:D Maybe math won't be so bad.

My compy is fixed! I hope. I mostly just turned it off the right way, and now it works!

I finished the main part of Tsubasa today. and OH MY GOODNESS! After I finished the main ones I watched some OVA... I nearly died! It was so sad and amazing and depressing...

Watch Tsubasa. it is hard to stop because it is so amazing.

Soren and I finished a story. That is two stories I have finished with my friends. One with Emmy, one with Soren. :D makes me feel cool.

I wish I could write what I see in my head and everyone else could see it the same way,

I wish I could draw what I see in my head so everyone would understand what I was talking about.

what is so hard to understand about a radical (square root sign) nothing. as long as you have a calculator. ;D

I want to do something fun.

Better a silly girl with a rose than a silly boy with a horse and a stick

I race through the day in my head, straining to remember where I met him.

I hadn't.

That is right.

I have never seen him. I have never met him

I don't even know what he looks like.

I wish I did.

Maybe he could help me make sense of everything that was happening.

Maybe he could save me from my loneliness.

sometimes I close my eyes and imagine him, I can see his silhouette, admire him from a distance, with a bright light blocking out his figure. Sometimes I can see his clothes, the line of his muscles flexing. But I can't see him.

I don't know what he looks like, or even what he acts like.

it kind of makes me sad.

but then I think again. I know what I look like. What I act like. What I like. And can't that be enough.

I know who I am. I know where I come from. I know I am special. And I know he is special.

I know I am not ready to meet him, I know I must prepare. I know that, when the time is right, I will know that he is my Lance. I will know that this man, whoever he may be, is the one I chose to spend eternity with. Then one I am willing to be with for the rest of my life, and beyond.

I am glad I know these things. For without them, I may perish from despair, loneliness, and boredom. I am glad to know that I can find myself with out assistance from some man, as some think they need. I only need God and the people he places in my path, teaching and rearing me until I am ready.

When I am ready.